Ok first off, I have had a wonderful weekend I made it a priority to get out he house an d do stuff, and WHOA what a difference in my mood! yesterday we went to the Harley Davidson dealership with our friend Randy ,to look at sale merchandise and eat at the Harley Diner, then Bill and I came home and went back out to the mall to look for old versions of Atari games for our Playstation, grabbed some Chinese food around 9pm and stayed up until 12 eating and playing games, it was awesome. This morning i had such an urge for some reason to go bowling, so figuring I would probably be beat by the second game, I agreed to go with the hubby, well we ended up running into my manager down there (she is so fun) and I bowled not one but THREE games!! i can’t even bowl that many games when I’m NOT pregnant!! I had UN expendable energy it was nuts! and what ever weirder, I was throwing strikes left and right! my first game was 63, second, 101 , and third 136!!! I swear the baby evened out my balance or something because that has NEVER happened, we had so much fun, I want to go next weekend!
We went in Friday for my heartbeat sonogram, so I’m laying on the table, goo all over my tummy and she’s pushing and pushing away, and all we could hear was my heartbeat, so I freaked out a bit, but she grabbed the sonogram and did a crappy one just so we could see the heart beat at least, and there is was, a string little heart beat pumping away, the picture was really bad, because the sonogram that she used was not meant for external sonography, but for internal, but it did let us see wheat we needed to, she pointed out a little hand that was in the air, like it was waiving, and you could see the little head. it was so cute, no bigger than an avocado lol~
She asked me how I have been feeling and I stuck my tongue out and went (blahhhhhh) she goes “oh feeling tired?” I said no, just crying alot and having wild mood swings,soI mentioned to her that two weeks ago i ended up on my bathroom floor just sobbing one night while trying to run my bath water, and it was for no particular reason. She looked sort of concerned and looked at my history and and said that the crazy mood swings should actually be coming from the this week on, not really before, unless I Had a hormone surge, which is very possible, i also reminded her of my history with depression, she warned that it could be that coming back (i have had it pretty much kicked for 4 years but I haven’t been feeling right at all lately.) she also said that because of that, I am at a very high risk for post partum depression, which I already kind of figured that I was. So she wants to put me on Zoloft in my 34Th week, to prevent it. Which I am fine with, BUT here’s the catch….
because the baby would be exposed to it, i would HAVE to breast feed for at least a month in order to wean the baby off of it. basically mixing breast milk and formula together and tapering it off to all formula.
At first this petrified me, (my baby on Zoloft?? Holy shit???)) but she assured me it’s an ultra low does, just enough to fight the p hormone let down after pregnancy, and that it really doesn’t do harm to the baby. Now if you will remember, last time she said I may not be able to breast feed because I need to be on meds for my Acid Reflux, she said she looked further into it, and that it would be fine considering I wil not be breast feeding long, besides I take it now, while pregnant ,so its not like the baby isn’t already exposed to it, and it’s one of the safest pump inhibitors to use while pregnant. So while I don’t want to breast feed, I know the baby does deserve happy well adjusted mother, and I know that post partum depression is noting to fuck around with , my OWN depression has crept up on me a few times and gotten really bad before I realized what hit me, Post Partum Depression can be 10 times worse.
Our BIG sonogram is on March 6Th, and THEN we will finally know what we are having!!! I am so excited, and for the record the heart beat was estimated in the 150’s which by old wives tale standards,means…….high possibility of a girl!! But we will see!