…and the only cure is another baby, omg I am pretty sure that I am absolutley nuts. it seems that over the past year, i have come down with a serious case of baby fever. i mean, given what my last pregnancy was like (See here and here) I figured I would sooner walk over hot coals, barefoot with blisters on my feet, than have another kid. But over the years, things changed…. and now here i am thinking and dreaming of babies again.
But there are a few snags, I worked with my first one and that maternal separation was HARD REAL REAL HARD, I don’t know how many times i ended up in the bathroom at work bawling my eyes out because I just wanted to be home with my little guy.
My husband and I vowed that wouldnt be the case this time….but here is the thing…I spent 8 years forging a pretty ok career for myself, accured lots of vacation time, decent pay, the chance to travel ect. if I leave……I leave…..it’s all gone…. no more extra spending, no more health insurance, and my independence gone, all gone…. the feminist in me HATES that, I love my husband but there are certain freedoms that I enjoy because I work, I am afraid those freedoms would be gone….and on the other hand I think…yeah but…isn’t it worth giving up all of that for another addition to the family? yes…but my sense of security would also drop, what if his business hit a rough patch? Then what? I sell AVON but I’m not a top seller and couldn’t make a living off of it ( though I would really love to)
And affording daycare?? LOLOLOL oohh boy.
Ugh all this thinking, cant we just get on to the making and being pregnant part?? LOL
fact is I’m 35, we have until next year to get things settled,, im not getting any younger and this baby craving isnt going away…even a little bit…it just keeps getting stronger.
I figure if it’s meant to be, God will show me a way, if not well……what can I do.