I often wonder how many couples deal with this issue.
Over the years I have learned the type of parents that Bill and I are (freaking awesome)
just kidding….no seriously……we rock…..most of the time. But sometimes when a crisis hits, I noticed we tend to have some weak points.
I have noticed over the years that I seem to be the calm one, where as my husband seems to be the one to freak out. He comes by it honestly and I know deep down it’s because he sees his little boy hurting or crying and gets frustrated when he can immediately fix it. I am more of a problem solver, I hone in on the problem and quickly try to fix it while also trying to calm down Hudson.
The first time we had a “crisis” was a few years ago when Hudson woke up in the middle of the night wheezing and gasping for air. He didn’t have asthma so we had never had to deal with something like this before. That night we BOTH PANICKED, we ended up rushing him to the ER. Only to find out he had developed Croup and his esophagus had swelled up a bit.
When I told my doctor about it she stated that I did what most new parents do and just freaked out and based their next move on instinct……which was the hospital.
Turns out that the situation wasn’t all that serious and all we needed to do was take him outside into the cool air for a bit. ( actually we found that out when he was exposed to the cold air on the walk form the car to the er door, his condition improved.
Still better safe then sorry…..
The next time that happened (the following year) instead of jumping right in the car, I remained calm, and tried a few things the doctor had told me first and remarkably,…it worked!
Since then I have tried to remain calm in scary situations like that.
This past week, I gave Hudson his toothbrush so that he could brush his teeth while he was in the tub.I handed him his tooth brush and turned around for a second to put the tube of toothpaste away, when I heard a blood curdling scream. he had somehow managed to stick the loaded toothbrush in his eye, depositing toothpaste all over his eyelashes. I quickly tried to wash it out but he kept screaming, before I knew it my husband flew up the stairs and started pacing the floor, ( no doubt agitated that Hudson was screaming and he couldn’t help) I kept trying to remain clam but in the end we both ended up screaming at each other, which couldn’t have been too comforting for Hudson who was already freaked out and hard to understand. Point is, we didn’t handle that situation very well, we knew it and apologized to each other once the little man had calmed down.
But it was then that I realized that in crisis situations, one of us is calm and collected while the other is off the handles losing it.
I think that in times like these, it is important that BOTH parents keep their cool and work on the best solution to help the child. Arguing and screaming (even if it comes from a honest place) is just going to make the situation harder and delay the help your child needs.
I also think that sometimes this ability to remain calm comes with time and multiple exposures to said crisis, ( I have a boy so unfortunately I think we have more of these ahead of us LOL)
SO what about you? Do you notice that you or your spouse is the stronger one in situations like these?
Let me know