As much as I love this time of year, as much as I love the snowfall and the baking and the decorating and loads of hot chocolate, the kids all excited to see santa and the feeling that I get from giving. I tend to have occasional moments of sadness.
As many of you know, I lost my mother in December, the 8th will mark 4 years since she passed. then last year, another blow to my favorite time of the year, my grandmother passed away in early January.
Since those occurrences, people ask me if I am sad during the holidays, and I shock them when I reply “no actually I am not”
This reply often gets either surprised look from people or a look of disbelief, as though i am hiding my grief.
I figure maybe It’s just the way I deal with my grief, maybe it’s the fact that my mothers last words to my father, were “tell Heather I want her to still have Christmas Eve Dinner” She knew how important HER fancy Christmas dinners were to me,and I feel like I keep her memory alive each year, when I go all out and have a wonderful over the top dinner, just as she used to.
It may also be the fact that both my grandmother and my mother were suffering greatly in their last days, and I now know, they are at peace.
I could never give up the holidays because of the great losses I have endure.
I believe throwing myself into the holiday, is what kept me together during their deaths. I honored them by making and doing the things that they used to do.
I carried on the tradition.
So when people ask me if I’m depressed about the holidays…..I definitley not…
Because I have this
And I am still so grateful for the family that I do have left.
What a beautiful time of the year.
Peace and Love to You