I have been doing what I do best lately and thinking far too much.
Most of my thinking has settled around life goals and things that I really wanted to accomplish, but in the grand scheme of being mom, keeping the house clean….err livable. And working full time,I just cant seem to devote enough mental energy to get any of my ideas off the ground. I know I am not alone on this, I know it is a struggle of many mothers and non mothers alike.Early onset midlife crisis possibly? Who knows.
The other day I was on linked in or some other social site, and I came across an alumni of my school who was doing excellent in her field,she owned her own business and became pretty successful, and while I was happy for her….I was also jealous. it’s not the first time that this has happened….and instead of feeling happy for my college acquaintances….I begin to berate myself for being where they are now. IN a perfect view, it seems like they came by success so easily, while I have struggled and struggled and still….have gotten nowhere. But I know that appearances aren’t always what they seem, I know that I have somethings that those people probably wish for.
I think what I need to remember, is that I am a creative soul and I need a creative outlet, like my old college professor used to tell me “always have something on the table for YOU” meaning no matter how much dull and monotonous stuff you have to do in your day, always have something at home that you like to do, always have a personal outlet, where the only rules you have to follow are your own.
I have never forgotten that,I know there was a reason that I didn’t go down the same path as every other person I graduated with ,I know I am unique and that the universe has another plan for me, and as much as I really wish that it would hurry up, my time will come…..I don’t know when but it will.
One day I will be able to create a business based on the things that I enjoy, and I enjoy so many things.
I had a great conversation with an old college buddy last night, her words are sticking with me today “I know its hard to schedule these things when you have a family to take care of but you must do it.””if we were single bohemian free spirits it would be easy….but we have a family and responsibilities we have to take care of first, it’s just about finding balance.”
When I do squeeze in time to do the things I love I really feel so much better. I love my husband and mu son more than anything in this world.( ok carrot cake is pretty high up there too) But I need to make being creative a priority, I need to slow down and just focus on one goal at a time instead of all 50 of them at once.
Someday….I’ll get to wear I want to be,until then I need to learn to enjoy the trip.